Since I have fully embraced my Atheism years ago, I always find that this time of the year is the most troubling. It's not because I have pangs of Christmas holidays of my youth or because deep down I actually feel the spirit of Yule time washing over me and I choose to stubbornly repress it. What it really comes down to is that all the people near and dear to me really enjoy this holiday and I really love it too. I love it when when everyone is coming together and laughing and drinking and enjoying themselves. We cook and eat and meet with old friends we haven't seen is a long time. It's a time when we seem to temporarily put away all the bullshit and at least tolerate each other for a short while. It's also a time that reminds me that we don't meed religion to do it. We also don't need to spend ourselves into a hole to tell the people in our lives that we love them. I say, let's take the Christ out of Chritmas! We'll call it.........Krissmas!!
We wouldn't really have to change that much. Let's look at Krissmas carols that are fun. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snow Man, Holly Jolly Krissmas, White Krissmas and so many more that we wouldn't have to touch lyrically. There are tons of great classic Krissmas songs that don't mention bowing before an infant surrounded by barnyard animals. One song that would have to be stricken from the annals of human history would be The Christmas Shoes. This disgusting example of right wing Christian tripe is not only the worst Krissmas song ever, it may be the worst song ever written. I won't even begin to unleash my distaste for this piece of Elitist Christian black hearted blood vomit. Instead you can go to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY Patton Oswalt expresses it so much better than I ever could. It's not like the shops and malls have pictures or images of Jesus staring down and reminding us to be good little boys and girls instead we have Santa!! You better be good or old Kris Kringle is gonna take a dump in your stocking, Ho Ho Ho!! And people give me shit for not believing in an all knowing bearded man in the sky, yet they tell their children that there is an all knowing bearded guy who watches them all year and will judge them if they are good or bad. Wait a minute.........
We could also try to keep the gift giving to a minimum. How about we try to be Humans and Citizens instead of Consumers. What is this holiday really about right? It's supposed to be about giving and kindness and appreciating what we have while trying to give something back to those less fortunate. This so called "Christmas Spirit" we hear about is just a brainwashing of commercialism that has become almost Pavlovian. The lights and music and endless T.V commercials must emit some magnetic pulse that seems to transform us into a mob of yule time zombies encircling the shopping malls like in a George Romero film. Here is the truth. I don't want anything from anybody!! If I want something, then I will buy it myself. Want to buy me something? Buy a bottle of 25 year old Chivas, come on over and we will drink and be merry. My daughter is coming home from college during the holidays. That is my present. My son is doing well in school. Another awesome gift. I am luckiest bastard in the whole world that I get to share my life with two of the most awesome women on the planet. Merry Fucking Christmas to me!!
So instead of waking up Krissmas morning and running to a jam-packed church full of people who go once a year and don't really want to be there anyway, stay in your P.Js have a big breakfast, start drinking mimosas and tell the people that you care about that you love them. Oh and Happy New Year!!
We could also try to keep the gift giving to a minimum. How about we try to be Humans and Citizens instead of Consumers. What is this holiday really about right? It's supposed to be about giving and kindness and appreciating what we have while trying to give something back to those less fortunate. This so called "Christmas Spirit" we hear about is just a brainwashing of commercialism that has become almost Pavlovian. The lights and music and endless T.V commercials must emit some magnetic pulse that seems to transform us into a mob of yule time zombies encircling the shopping malls like in a George Romero film. Here is the truth. I don't want anything from anybody!! If I want something, then I will buy it myself. Want to buy me something? Buy a bottle of 25 year old Chivas, come on over and we will drink and be merry. My daughter is coming home from college during the holidays. That is my present. My son is doing well in school. Another awesome gift. I am luckiest bastard in the whole world that I get to share my life with two of the most awesome women on the planet. Merry Fucking Christmas to me!!
